


Anchoring

by TururaJ



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 12:20:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15774024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TururaJ/pseuds/TururaJ
Summary: He understands now - something is very-very wrong, and it’s not the heat or the cold, and it’s, surely, not something simple, because this isKaizuka, Kaizuka Inaho.





	Anchoring

**Author's Note:**

> What am I even doing, getting involved with two ongoings, while other things are being written and translated too. *screams*  
> Well, anyway, dunno, I just wanted to write it. It will have only two parts.

Something is wrong.

It starts slowly, and Slaine is the first one to notice. Or maybe he is the only one to notice at all. He is unaware if Kaizuka keeps contact with his sister or his friends these days. Ever since Kaizuka transferred him to this beach house, Slaine thinks, he hasn’t spent a day without Kaizuka being here. Kaizuka leaves for work and comes back - every day, like clockwork, and Slaine doesn’t see him talking over his tablet or writing letters or doing anything, really, aside from cooking and cleaning, cleaning and cooking, and occasionally - sleeping on the couch in the living room.

The summer is hot, and the first time Slaine notices the way Kaizuka’s hands tremble he writes it off for him staying outside in the heat. Who knows what the UFE forces their officers to go through? Maybe they practice military formations from morning till night, and Kaizuka isn’t really a talkative type to tell him about his duties. Slaine turns away, leaves Kaizuka to cook, and when there is a sound of a frying pan landing on the floor he thinks nothing of it.

The second time is more alarming, however - Kaizuka doesn’t manage to park his car right. He stops it when it’s already half-way into the rosebushes Slaine nurses near the house. Slaine doesn’t say anything when Kaizuka gets out of the car, but he notices it all - the trembling is strong, and Kaizuka hides his hands in the sleeves of his sweatshirt. The two following facts make Slaine very alarmed indeed: first, Kaizuka leaves the car in the bushes, and second, Kaizuka wears a sweatshirt despite the unimaginably hot weather. Still, Slaine tries to calm himself - Kaizuka must have caught a cold. Slaine decides not to reprimand him about the broken roses; he’ll nurse them back with time, and Kaizuka’s health takes more priority - Kaizuka is the only one to care about him nowadays for which Slaine is thankful (though he’d die sooner then tell Kaizuka about it).

The third time scares Slaine in a way he had almost forgotten after staying with Kaizuka for the last several years. They play chess, their usual Sunday match, and Kaizuka keeps accidentally knocking off the pieces, and when he tries to put them back in place, he knocks the others. The scene repeats itself for so many minutes Slaine eventually loses the count. Kaizuka looks almost mad while he arranges the pieces over and over again, his face pale, his lips a strict, plain line, his lone eye dark and bloody. But when Slaine opens his mouth to ask Kaizuka what is wrong, Kaizuka abruptly moves his hand, and Slaine watches as the black and white chess pieces roll all over the table, fall to the floor and onto Slaine’s knees.

In a flash Kaizuka is gone from the room, and Slaine feels too lost at the moment to follow him. He remembers himself then, back at the prison, trapped and suffocating and utterly lonely, with no one by his side, when he’d constantly do the same thing Kaizuka has just done - he’d vent his anger onto the only thing he was able to, onto the chess board. Slaine bites his lower lip and looks at his hands. He understands now - something is very-very wrong, and it’s not the heat or the cold, and it’s, surely, not something simple, because this is _Kaizuka, Kaizuka Inaho._

Slaine resolves to wait. Maybe the problem is temporary. Maybe Kaizuka just needs time. Slaine keeps watch, stays late, listens to the sounds of the shower because these days all Kaizuka seems to do is showering, but that is not surprising because of the hot weather. Sometimes Kaizuka oversleeps, sometimes he refuses to eat, sometimes it feels like he’ll fall down but before Slaine gets to him Kaizuka props himself up against the wall or his car and always escapes.

While they don’t usually talk much, now they don’t talk at all, and Slaine hates it. Hates the feeling as if he is alone in the house, hates the way Kaizuka ignores his presence, hates the fact that there are no egg dishes at breakfast which he likes to ask the seconds for. The only thing that keeps Slaine away from forcefully interrogating Kaizuka on the situation is the thought of breaking boundaries. Slaine isn’t sure he can help or has the right to help, whether his help will be welcomed. He is no more than a prisoner even though Kaizuka had managed to transfer him into this house where Slaine can live relatively freely.

Slaine balances on the verge of indecisiveness until the day arrives when he has no choice but to act.

The evening is slow and deceptively calm. Slaine knows Kaizuka has a day off tomorrow, and the knowledge soothes him. On his free days Kaizuka seems to be glued to the couch, and he is easy to watch. Slaine relaxes, makes himself a cool drink and brings his favorite chair on the porch to watch the burning sunset. The sea in front of him is peaceful; the unhurried little waves touch the shore almost shyly. The night is going to be warm and clear, and Slaine plans to enjoy the sight of the starry sky.

Darkness slowly ascends, softened only by the beautiful moonlight. Slaine watches the broken moon, finishes his drink, looks at Kaizuka’s figure as Kaizuka slowly approaches the shore. The orange shirt, cuffed on every button, doesn’t hide the way his shoulders are hunched; his black pants look too large on him, but don’t allow a bit of his skin to be seen. It’s too hot to walk in such clothes in this fine warm weather, but Slaine isn’t going to break the nice evening by starting a silly argument.

Kaizuka goes deeper and deeper into the water, a thoughtful look on his face. It is strange, Slaine thinks, for Kaizuka to be so engrossed in thoughts to get his feet wet. Kaizuka isn’t a lover of swimming or walking in the water; he had rarely got into the sea over the past years. Kaizuka prefers sitting on a porch and reading his tablet or staying at the kitchen and creating new culinary feats which is nothing to complain about since Slaine is the one who tastes everything. But, well, maybe Kaizuka decided he needs a change of routine? Though swimming in those clothes… Slaine frowns and puts away his drink as Kaizuka gets farther and farther away from the shore.

Slaine expects Kaizuka to turn back any second now, because he is already neck deep, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t and Slaine goes cold; the feeling of dread rushes into his stomach, sips into his bones and makes his breath hitch. There is a dangerous line out there, under water, where the earth beneath your feet ends and you can sink deep, deeper than any crazy diver would. Slaine once considered it, just after Kaizuka had brought him here. It was one of his weak moments he is not proud of now, though in the end he had decided he never wanted to disappoint Asseylum again so he never swam beyond the invisible safety line, no matter how much he was sure in his ability to swim.

He jumps up from the chair, throws off his sleepers and runs across the shore, feet sinking into the still warm sand. He is glad he has only a light t-shirt on and light pants and no heavy clothes. His heart is beating somewhere in his throat, he doesn’t remember the last time he ran so fast. The sea accepts him, calm and deceptively docile; water touches his ankles, then his knees, splashes fly into the air all around him, and in a flash Slaine is almost fully covered in water.

“Kaizuka! Kaizuka!” The cries fall on deaf ears. A step further and Kaizuka Inaho goes under water, silently, and for a moment Slaine fears he won’t be fast enough to reach him, he won’t be enough again, a failure of a human that he is. The water resists him as he moves forward, as he reaches with his hand and grabs the emptiness - right where Kaizuka should yet be. It is dark, so dark Slaine is overpowered by the terror as he looks at his fingers grasping only the water, as the same water slaps him over his face and lips, making him spit it back out. Then the terror is gone; _you’ve been through worse_ , he thinks, and he clenches his teeth, gulps the fresh air and dives - under the silvery veil and into the darkness, where death waits the weak and mindless.

He cannot hear anything but the water; it coils around him, presses on him, denies him the clear vision; it pushes him upwards, back on the surface, it’s like it is saying ‘you’re unwanted, you’re undesired, leave, before you are no more’ but Slaine persists. He is a survivor, he is a fighter, he won’t - _can’t_ \- leave without Kaizuka. _I owe you_ , he thinks, _I owe you, Orange, don’t die._

A silver ray suddenly pierces the water and illuminates the familiar orange fabric - it’s already deep beneath the underwater line of shore. The broken moon is guiding him, and Slaine surges through the water, counting the seconds - if Kaizuka didn’t breathe the water in right when he sank, Slaine may have a chance. It is a race against time, but Slaine gives it all, and at last - _at last_ \- his hand grabs the edge of Kaizuka’s shirt. There is no time to think, Slaine rushes upwards, pulls the unresisting body with him; his own lungs are burning from the urge to breathe in.

The surface breaks, but Slaine doesn’t give himself time to enjoy the euphoria of air. He brings Kaizuka’s head over the surface, holds the listless body against his chest and starts swimming back, to the shore that seems so distant right now. Quite soon he can stand on his feet again, and he carries Kaizuka until they are almost out of water, and that’s where Slaine’s strength runs out. He is tired, his chest still hurts, he falls into the wet sand where water covers him knees-deep, he doesn’t let go of Kaizuka.

It is probably a miracle that Kaizuka starts breathing without any help from Slaine - he coughs first, his body shakes in Slaine’s arms, the back of his head pressed against Slaine’s shoulder. He has a strange expression on his face - like he isn’t really _here_ , like nothing has happened a moment ago. The empty eye-socket stares at Slaine when Kaizuka turns his head a bit to see him, probably too disoriented to understand that he is looking from his blind side. Slaine shivers, not because of the unpleasant memory of shooting Kaizuka, not because of the unpleasant sight of his deed - Kaizuka must have lost his eye-patch in the water - but because suddenly he can see it - the orange shirt is wet and has ridden up his arms - and all the yellowish and bluish bruises, the traces of ropes or binds that must have been used on Kaizuka, are bright under the moonlight.

Slaine is horrified, too horrified to think and his hands move on his own as he pushes the shirt on Kaizuka’s chest open, destroying the small black buttons in his hurry. He finds the same picture engraved into Kaizuka’s chest - abuse, abuse, abuse, a _dirty little whore_ carved into a mesh of angry red cuts. And then, while he still tries to believe his eyes - a fight starts. Kaizuka is not _himself_ yet, and Slaine is the one who had violated his privacy, and it must have been the trigger because suddenly they are rolling in the sand and water, Kaizuka trying to land weak punches and Slaine trying to avoid them and still hold Kaizuka close, because he is not _sane_.

“Kaizuka! Kaizuka! Calm down!” Slaine screams but it isn’t enough, and he has no choice but to use force. He allows Kaizuka to hurt his shoulder, hoping it would give him the feeling of winning, but Kaizuka doesn’t stop, even though he is out of breath, and water is dripping from his chin and sand is smeared over his cheek. Kaizuka is feral, dangerous, an untamed animal that has unexpectedly gained a long forgotten freedom. With a groan Slaine clutches the orange shirt and drags him further, to where the level of water is even lower, ignoring the trashing, and then pushes him into the earth, on his back, and covers his body with his own, denying him the opportunity to move. Kaizuka struggles, Slaine waits out an array of uncalculated attacks, and says, almost pleadingly, because he feels exhausted too, “Inaho.”

In a second the fight is gone from Kaizuka’s body, and he shudders beneath Slaine, swallows air, brings his hands up to cover his face. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t cry, he just stays in that one pose of utter defeat and concealed shame, and Slaine feels lost. He doesn’t know what to say. But he does the only thing he can - he slides his hand into Kaizuka’s wet hair and pulls him closer, into a sitting position, and presses Kaizuka’s head against his own shoulder again. He keeps his fingers in the dark strands and never stops his caresses. It is calming, for him maybe more than for Kaizuka, but Kaizuka doesn’t object as well.

It takes a long time, an hour maybe, for them to move. Kaizuka is shaking in his embrace - he doesn’t exactly hold Slaine back, his hands are resting over his knees - and Slaine keeps his other hand slowly sliding up and down Kaizuka’s back until the shaking is gone, more or less. Then Kaizuka separates the contact, sits back, looks at the sand beneath their feet as if it holds all the answers.

It is colder now; the wind is slowly rising, the warmth giving way to the deep of the night.

“Come,” Slaine whispers, his own lips trembling from the stress. “Let’s go home.”

Kaizuka stands up and silently walks away, and Slaine is left to follow.

***

They are back at the house, and Kaizuka enters the darkened kitchen, Slaine at his heels. They spend several minutes there, with Kaizuka settling himself on a stool, and Slaine expecting some kind of an explanation of what has just transpired. The wet and dirty clothes are irritating however, and Slaine directs himself to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Kaizuka seems aware of his surroundings now, so Slaine isn’t worried much. He still wastes no time to get himself clean and grabs a bathrobe he had left on the shelf in the morning.

Upon returning to the kitchen Slaine finds Kaizuka in the same state - obviously he doesn’t mind all the sand he’s covered in. Slaine takes a stool and lowers himself on it in front of Kaizuka, too tired to tie his bathrobe properly. The white fabric slides off his shoulders, revealing the mesh of his old scars. It gets a sudden reaction from Kaizuka - his attentive look lands upon Slaine’s chest. Slaine doesn’t move or adjust his bathrobe (over the years Kaizuka had seen the scars anyway), but it’s not as if he likes to show off his bodily reminders of past torture, yet he realizes that it’s somehow fits the heavy and uncomfortable atmosphere. Here, in the semi-darkness of the kitchen room, he and Kaizuka Inaho finally connect - in the most unimaginable way.

“Who?” Slaine asks quietly, but corrects himself right away. It doesn’t matter who, because there is nothing Slaine can do about it; his life is bound to the beach house he will probably never ever leave. No, the important question is why, because as far as Slaine knows Kaizuka Inaho, Kaizuka Inaho would never allow something like this to happen. “No… why?”

“You don’t need this information. It doesn’t pertain to you in any way.” The familiar steel is back in Kaizuka’s voice, and Slaine feels as if they are on a firmer ground now. He should attack somehow, or, he thinks, Kaizuka will never talk.

“Of course it doesn’t!” Slaine snorts, abruptly steps up to Kaizuka and forces his shirt off his shoulders. There is a sound of fabric being ripped; Slaine must have used too much strength. Kaizuka flinches noticeably, but controls himself as Slaine’s fingers trace the poorly healed cuts. Slaine is trying to be gentle, but he wants to get his point across. “Since you’re my only caretaker, and only an hour ago tried to drown yourself in the sea.”

“…That was a lapse.” Finally Kaizuka shies away from him. There is a deep long cut that will possibly turn into a scar with time that goes down his chest and belly and disappears under his pants, and he doesn’t allow Slaine to study it further. He moves back on the stool, brings his hand up to grip Slaine’s shoulder and pushes him away. “I don’t intend to repeat it.”

“I don’t believe you. Not after today,” Slaine retreats gladly; an odd tingling burns his fingertips. He is a bit confused but writes it off to the sudden proximity he isn’t used to; the last time he had willingly touched someone, not counting Kaizuka’s earlier stunt, was when he was saying goodbyes to Lemrina back on the moon base. Slaine sits back on the stool and tries to sound as persuading as he can be. “Look, Kaizuka, you’ve nothing to lose by telling me. It may not pertain to me, but it still concerns me. You’re my overseer, and my life is bound to yours. If anything happens to you, it will influence my existence. We both know it. Tell me.”

Truly, Slaine hates playing the ‘I depend on you’ card. His life is too nice right now, something he thinks he doesn’t deserve, but it’s been _years_ , and the feeling of wrongness had long ago dissipated. Slaine is content with the way things are, and immensely grateful, but he doesn’t believe Kaizuka will understand if Slaine suddenly says he _cares_.

“Sounds… logical enough,” Kaizuka admits; his lips once again form a straight line, and he avoids Slaine’s gaze. He stands up then and crosses the kitchen, seeming a bit lost. “I… have no reason not to tell you.”

“So?” Slaine watches as Kaizuka pours himself a glass of water and drinks it, his hands still a bit shaky. The silence becomes so palpable Slaine is able to hear the waves as they roll on the shore continuously.

“I will shower first,” Kaizuka answers at last, and Slaine jumps up and grabs his elbow as Kaizuka tries to pass by him. He is not going to let Kaizuka escape. Using force may not be the best option, but Slaine pushes Kaizuka into the wall and looms over him, their slight height difference coming handy. Kaizuka’s body goes tense, but he doesn’t struggle. Slaine is very careful to keep the small space between them; he has already overstepped too many boundaries today.

“Kaizuka,” Slaine hisses, angry and impatient.

“I don’t understand,” Kaizuka says calmly, shocking Slaine with an abrupt confession. He raises his hand, covers Slaine’s hold on his arm and gently moves Slaine’s hand away. He stares at his feet however, seemingly exhausted. “It is hard to talk while it shouldn’t be. Let me think of words to choose.”

“Fine,” Slaine huffs, steps back. “I’ll make us tea and sandwiches while you shower.”

When Kaizuka, dressed in fresh clothes, returns to find Slaine in the living room, he ignores the tray Slaine had brought there. Slaine isn’t surprised; he doesn’t expect Kaizuka to eat the sandwiches. The food is something he had done mostly to calm himself. Slaine waits patiently as Kaizuka finds rest in the embrace of the second armchair. The soft yellowish light of the night lamp falls upon Kaizuka’s skin, opening up the view of the fresh and already faded bruises on his arms and chest. Kaizuka doesn’t hide them anymore; his white t-shirt is plain and leaves no place for imagination. Slaine fears his hands grip the armrests too hard.

Kaizuka closes his eye and stays silent for a long time; he stretches his legs and leans back into the armchair - an illusive pose of relaxation. Slaine forces himself to drink his tea, and, honestly, he is not ready for the words when they come. Kaizuka’s voice is monotonous; he must have really taken time to think about what to tell him. “My sister is of a lower rank in the UFE than I am, and that’s what makes her… usable. By now I’m sure it wasn’t her own mistake; someone wanted to set her up and lay the blame on her since for the higher ups she’s just a pawn. They got her involved in something… very serious. People died; other people wanted retribution. I had to intervene as it got to the point of the death penalty.”

Kaizuka shuffles in the armchair and props his head on his elbow, his face tilted to the side as if he knows Slaine is looking at him and he wants to escape his look. Dark strands of hair fall over his dead eye; Kaizuka stares at the floor, his reluctance to speak becomes more obvious as he continues, “There was little I could do. I had no chance of gathering up enough evidence in time. So I went to the higher ups who were above those at fault and used my war fame to… beg.”

“Beg?” Slaine’s throat goes dry, and he sets his cup aside in fear he’ll smash it involuntarily.

“We made a deal,” Kaizuka explains, “I suppose I am lucky enough those people are highly susceptible to human weaknesses, otherwise nothing could have saved Yuki.”

“What kind of a deal?” Slaine asks carefully, his voice dangerously low. He doesn’t want to think.

“You already understand,” Kaizuka states, and he is right. Slaine feels sick; he regrets he drank tea just now. “They wanted to have some personal time with me in exchange for whitewashing Yuki. I had to give my consent.”

“You… allowed them…” Slaine brings his hand up to his mouth and stands up. He feels worse than in the years he had been left under Cruhteo’s care. He had gone through harsh torture and beatings, yes, but at least Vers Counts had enough dignity to keep their hands to themselves. Slaine had never experienced or heard about any incidents of sexual abuse, even when he himself became a count. It was simply… unthinkable.

Kaizuka doesn’t comment on Slaine’s babbling, instead, he says, “Yuki is safe, I forced her to retire. And, as I’ve said, there is nothing to worry about, it’s just sex. As soon as I manage to gather the material I can threaten them with, I will break the deal.”

“Just… sex… Oh, God, Kaizuka, you are not going to tell me you actually like that ‘just sex’ because even a fool can see it’s not ‘just sex’, dammit!” Slaine paces the room, unable to stay still. The flaps of his bathrobe angrily brush every piece of furniture on his way. He tries to come up with a solution, but cannot. He can do nothing. He is a useless piece of trash. Slaine stops abruptly, struck by a horrified realization, “How long? How long has this been going on and how long will you have to… endure?”

“It’s been four months,” Kaizuka moves in the armchair again; the look of his lone eye lingers at his own damaged wrists. “It is hard to gain any blackmail material so I’m not sure. Maybe three or five months more. Though I assure you the sex is bearable. It doesn’t happen every day, and they are very careful to let people join.”

Bearable? Group sex? Kaizuka says it so nonchalantly Slaine is terrified. He had never had a lover; his devotion to Asseylum took all his time and attention, but even he understands that sex is something that should be shared between two people who care about each other. It doesn’t necessarily have to be love, it may just be a simple desire, the need to connect and satisfy the urgent needs, yet, he thinks, the respect and consent are a must in any relationship. Sex is something that should be… enjoyable, not _bearable_.

“At least tell me you had lovers before this… this started,” Slaine hears as his own voice breaks and finds himself sitting near Kaizuka’s knees, his head dizzy from all the dreadful knowledge.

“No,” Kaizuka pauses and looks at Slaine, moving his leg away so it wouldn’t accidently brush Slaine’s arm. The motion is unconscious, Slaine is very sure of it, and it makes him feel even worse. And then Kaizuka drops the other shoe, “Does it matter?”

_Oh, God,_ Slaine thinks and swallows the rising bile, _Oh, my God._


End file.
